for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
