When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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