the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
