This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
