who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
