I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
