Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
