take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
