I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
