The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
