That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
