Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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