Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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