Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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