shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
