i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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