my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
