At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
