Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
