Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize