we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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