I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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