Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone came in the potted fern
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
