i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO