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Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
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