everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
