i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine