Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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