i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
