I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drake has all the answers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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