I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
