What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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