Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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