i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
