Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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