There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
