Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
