Whod you bang
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
