Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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