dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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