as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
