I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
