Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
