How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize