im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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