But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
