I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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