forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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