I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
