If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
