I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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