So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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