i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
