You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
