we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
