the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
