even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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