i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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