Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
