I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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