walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
