I just made out with a guy for $7.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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