1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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