thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
