We won't sleep together?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
