Porn is love you can see.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
God I need to hump something, right now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
