i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
