I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
