Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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