U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
