I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
