i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
