I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
