I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize