Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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