I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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