is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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